


So, What Does an Asari Look Like, Anyway?

by AsheBlender



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19998454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsheBlender/pseuds/AsheBlender
Summary: With an amused smirk, Shepard poses the question. “So, what do Asari really look like?”Liara blinks slowly. Okay, so it seems they were going with a stupid conversation, then.





	So, What Does an Asari Look Like, Anyway?

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a thing I randomly found myself writing late at night, based off that conversation on Illium with that Salarian bachelor party. When I first heard that conversation years ago, I was actually super intrigued by the idea of it... before I realized that it would be ridiculous. Thus, this story. 
> 
> ...It somehow also came to include headcanons about asari genitals along the way for some reason. Enjoy!

Shepard releases a considering hum as her finger casually drags along one of Liara’s speckled crests, tilting her head with a smile. Liara, who had been rather furiously typing something on her datapad, glances up with a raised eyebrow. She knows that sound. Clearly the human woman had something on her mind. And, judging by past experience, this could either be a perfectly serious conversation or an incredibly stupid one. And, she wouldn’t know until Shepard opened her mouth what the tone would be.

So, despite having thought she would get some work done for something requiring the Broker’s attention, she finds herself looking up at her bondmate. “What is it, Shepard?” She asks with amused curiosity, shifting herself a little more comfortably on Shepard’s lap and leaning herself back against the woman.

“Hm? Me?” The redhead asks with a grin.

"Yes, you.” Liara says with a small laugh, the woman’s grin more than a little infectious. “You sounded like you were about to ask something.”

Shepard releases that hum again, the asari feeling her fingers trail down a different crest. It gets a pleasant little shiver out of her, mostly because of how slow and gentle her fingertips are. Asari crests are very sensitive to the right kind of touch. Well, the wrong kind of touch, too, but that’s not what’s on her mind at the moment. She waits patiently for Shepard to speak up, which only happens a moment later.

With an amused smirk, Shepard poses the question. “So, what do Asari really look like?”

Liara blinks slowly. Okay, so it seems they were going with a stupid conversation, then. “Shepard, I… I’m not sure what you mean.” Liara replies, her patient smile staying on her face as she awaits for her bondmate to elaborate on… whatever she meant by this question.

The commander leans in to press a kiss to Liara’s cheek, laughing a little. “Sorry, I had to ask it that bluntly, just to see how you’d react.”

“You take entirely too much pleasure in my confusion.”

“There’s an underlying question I wanted to ask within that, though.” She replies back, pursing her lips up. “You remember when I was running around on Ilium?”

Liara winces a little bit. That really wasn’t the best time of her life, she’ll admit. With her and Shepard’s relationship on the rocks for a brief time during that period, there’s not much she cares to remember about it. “Mm… vaguely.” She answers back quietly.

“Well, while I was at one of the bars, there was this asari stripper dancing up on one of the tables...”

Liara’s cheeks flush a light purple and she presses her lips together slowly. She shifts on her lover’s lap uncomfortably. “And, where are we going with this, Shepard?”

Shepard blinks at her, then shakes her head. “Wha- No, no, no! This doesn’t involve me at all! I swear!” She says quickly, hugging Liara a little closer. “Swear on my life, you’re the only asari for me, babe.”

“You’ve already died once.”

“Not the point! Just… hear me out, okay?”

The redhead laughs as she speaks, making an extra point to nuzzle against her neck to prove her assertion that she was a _very_ faithful human. Liara decides to humor her when her lips brush tenderly across one of the folds higher on her neck. She rolls her eyes and settles back down against Shepard, who she can feel smile victoriously against her neck. “Oh, fine. But, only because I want to see where this ridiculous question came from. You saw an asari stripper dancing on a table and…?”

“She was dancing in front of three separate people. And, three separate species, at that. A human, a salarian, and a turian.”

Liara’s eyebrow raises in interest. “Oh?”

“Well, they talked a lot about stuff that you wouldn’t really care about. They were coworkers, they were celebrating, they were drinking, they were celebrating the salarian’s, like… marriage thing or something. But, toward the end of the conversation, they started talking about what they found attractive about asari. And, each of them claimed that asari... looked more like their own species.” She finishes, Liara tilting her head back to look at Shepard.

Shepard smiles cheekily. “So, they posed the question of whether asari were just playing with all our minds and making us _think_ we were seeing what we were seeing, instead of what they actually look like.”

Liara just stares at the redhead, dumbfounded.

“So, my question to you is… what do you think of that? Why do you think three different species might see three different things?” Shepard asks, looking genuinely interested in her response. Okay, so it was still kind of a dumb question, but not nearly as dumb as before. Shepard clearly didn’t actually think this was the case, more so wondering why different species would look at an asari and see different things, despite all looking at the same being.

Shepard always did have an interest in the way other species worked and thought. So, she supposes the question stands a test to that fabled human curiosity.

“Besides the fact they were probably very drunk? I can’t imagine that helped.”

“Psh, true.” Shepard snickers.

“I imagine their drunken state, combined with… perhaps focusing on different part of the asari body that appeal to them might have had them believing such a thing. For a human, there is quite a bit we have in common. Facial structure, breasts, similar vaginal structure.”

“Psh. I’ve felt in there before. Pretty sure humans don’t have all those cute little tentacles~”

Purple colors her cheeks more harshly. “I did say _similar_. And, I wouldn’t call them… tentacles, per say. Cilia would more likely be your species’ interpretation of the word. And, the larger, exposed one is just vestigial-”

The woman laughs softly and gives Liara’s neck a little kiss. “I love ‘em, though. Anyway, sorry, continue. Just had to comment on my favorite place. Y’know… mainly the lower reaches. Near the bottom.”

Liara groans. “Goddess, Shepard, you find the most embarrassing things to dredge up.”

“It’s a talent.”

“..Anyway. I would guess that the turians might see our scalp crests and think of their fringe? It is obviously not as hard as a theirs and I don’t really see them being all that similar. But, I suppose it would be similar enough in a drunken turian’s case to warrant an interest. Familiarity likely helps, as well.”

“Interesting.”

“I’m not quite sure… what a salarian would find attractive, however. We don’t really look anything alike. I suppose our crests might remind them of themselves a bit, also? How much did that particular Salarian have to drink?”

Shepard snorts. “A LOT. He was throwing back shots the whole time I was talking to Aethyta.”

“Well, that would handily explain it. I am not saying Salarians don’t find asari attractive, but I do not think it is because we look similar. Maybe it is because of how different we are.”

“Maybe it’s ‘cus of how limber you are.”

“W-What?”

Shepard hums, apparently satisfied with the answers she’s been given. “So, the big, hot theory that asari are mindblasting everyone with sexy doesn’t have a leg to stand on?” She asks with a teasing little laugh. Almost a giggle, if she was being honest.

“Shepard,” Liara answers with an amused smile. “Do you know how much effort it would take for the entire asari race to put up a front that allowed them to look exactly like every other species? Imagine it. We would have to somehow look like turians, krogan, humans, hanar, drell, salarians, the list goes on. Now, imagine every asari having to work together to keep that up. Both in person and on broadcasts, which can air to multiple different species at the same time. That is.. simply not feasible. That whole conversation was simply superstitious nonsense from a couple of drunk bachelors.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous. But, it’s always fun making fun of people who aren’t you. And, it was a fun, stupid conversation, right?”

Liara slowly places her datapad on the bed in response to that, carefully turning herself around to face Shepard fully. She's fairly certain that she's not going to be getting any more work done tonight. “I’m pretty sure every conversation I have with you is bordering on one or both of those.”

“I’m not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment.”

“Honestly, neither am I.” She replies honestly. Though, after a moment or two of looking at Shepard’s smiling face, a smirk starts to curl on her lips. She gets a sort of look in her eyes that makes Shepard bite her lip. Ohhh… that was a good look.

“...What?”

“You know...” Liara says, giving the woman a light push backwards onto the bed. “If you’re really all that curious about what others think of the asari body… perhaps you had best refamiliarize yourself with it. I’m certainly more interested in what a particular human is drawn to.”

With a dry mouth, she stares up at Liara as she slips over her body and looks right down into her eyes. “Well, I mean..”

“Shhhh.” Liara says with a little hum, closing her eyes gently. “Don’t just tell me.”

Shepard bites her lip, squirming in anticipation. Liara’s eyes suddenly fly open and center right on Shepard’s. The formerly blue iris’, as well as the whole sclera, turn a deep, inky black. Shepard’s own eyes are drawn to Liara’s, a grin coming across her face as they touch their foreheads together.

“ _Show me._ ”


End file.
